I hate dating.

Black.
White.
Not a breakthrough.  It's simply polar opposites.

Things can simply be black and white.  So why is that so hard to believe?
I've had two men recently stop talking to me because my view is so black and white.  Why is that strange?  I don't want a gray relationship.  I'd rather know what's what before getting into something serious.  Kissing your friend-girls on the lips, that's gray.  Asking me on a date, then saying you don't want to long distance date, that's gray.  I want black and white.  What is so hard about that?

Tell me what you want.  I'm straightforward about my needs and wants, so why can't you be..

Tell me what You want.

Here I am again.

I went to my sister's church on Sunday.  I rarely do that, but I have twice in two weeks and I plan to again on Sunday.  Every time I go, it's a life-changing experience.  I don't know how to describe it other than that.  I would love to attend there, but I feel like it would become the norm and not change me anymore.

We sang a song called, "One Thing Remains."  The chorus says, "Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me.  Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me.  Your love never fails, it never gives up, never runs out on me."  Because you need to say it at least three times to understand the power of those words.

Ever since my divorce, I've been fairly dejected when it comes to love and dating.  I've felt like it's pointless and I'll never have what I had again.  Singing those words, I nearly started crying.  God never ran out on me.  I ran out on Him.  He didn't give up, I did.  And His love will never fail.  He's all I need.

It was just such a powerful reminder that God is who I am married to.  Not some imperfect nonexistant man, but a holy, powerful, wonderful, loving God.

His love never fails.  It will never give up.  And it will never run out on me.  <3

Mountain high, valley low.

I have a blog that no one reads.  No one even knows it exists.  The exhibitionist basis of this blog appeals to me knowing that no one I know will ever read it, but someone will.  And maybe it will change things.

I grew up having mountain top experiences.  That's how they described them at camp.  That spiritual high that you get when you have a week-long God encounter.  It's intense.  I've had plenty.  March was another good one.  The City.  Who can resist precious children who have been to Hell and back.  But they just keep smiling and loving.  Their love is so pure and mighty.  It's forgiving and perfect.

I'm trying to decide if I should/can go back in August.  Is there really a decision to be made?  I have vacation time, I can raise the money.

I think I'm more worried about my long term life goals with this non-decision.  I'm trying to join the Peace Corps.  That's huge.  In general and just for me.  My problem is that I know it'll be a nonstop two year mountaintop experience.  Am I ready for that?  Do I need to be?

Is going to the City going to change my life plans or goals?  I'm already so inlove with those children and I've only been once.  Will going again turn my entire world upside down?  I have the feeling that it could. That it will.  I've already thrown around the idea of either interning there for a while or doing my PC service in Mexico (which would be R-O-U-G-H).

Oh! That You would bless me and enlarge my territory!